The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
With Halloween looming and lurching up at us from the shadowy recesses once again, the Toe Poke has assembled the 2019 edition of blood-curdling Premier League stars.
To ensure that only fresh flesh is devoured, only players who are spending Oct. 31 in the cauldron that is the Premier League for their first time are among those having their names turned into petrifying puns below…
Images created by Aurelien Huet
GK: Dead Henderson
This demonic goalkeeper is stopping all who intend to pillage the Sheffield United stronghold dead in their tracks.
RB: Ahwooooo Cancelo
The marauding Manchester City wing-back is infamous for his wailing raids up and down the flank.
CB: Tyrone Fangs
The burly Aston Villa defender just loves to sink his teeth into a fleshy centre-forward or two.
Chelsea have unearthed a freakishly gifted defender this season and now there’s no banishing him back from whence he came.
Arsenal have a stone-cold monster of a signing on their hands. We can feel it in our bones.
Tottenham have conjured up a spirit who ghosts into the penalty area to pick off his prey with reckless abandon.
CM: Rodriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
The Manchester City man’s hair-raising shriek is the last thing you’ll hear before he robs you of possession… FOREVER.
AMC: Eerie Tielemans
Leicester City’s ingenious midfield puppeteer is eerily good at pulling the strings.
It took him a while to rise from his slumber, but the forward has now begun to wreak his terrible vengeance on defences the length and breadth of the land.
AML: Dan-Hell James
Blink and you’ll miss this rampaging terror as he banishes poor unsuspecting full-backs to the netherworld with his searing pace.
CF: Teemu Spooky
The ravenous goal monster is doing his best to keep the spectre of Norwich City lingering for more than a year.